| alot of people say that God only gives you whatever you can handle. this time around, i think he overestimated me. these past 2 weeks have been so bad for me. its just one bad thing after the other. i'm so tired of being bitched at. today was supposed to be a good day for me. friday.. winter ball.. things were looking good. my advice? never turn your back to despair. its one of those things that just creeps up on you when you least expect it. over and over and over again. often times i question, 'where do i stand in MY life?'. it seems as though nowhere. everywhere i go, people tell me what to do and what to say. when i try to let loose, there's someone there ready to overpower me. its hard to let go of things that youve become so accustomed to; whether its a person, hobbie, electronic, car, etc. but when is the right time? its hard to convince yourself when it is. i'm not myself anymore. in fact, i'm just a mixture of other people. i don't get the freedom to do what i want and express who i am. i am under constant surveillance while being tortured at the same time. i want to punch disappointment in the face right now. i wish God would just give me some time off from all this stress. its really killing me, and going into finals week, this is really not what i need. THEY always say, put others before yourself. but when do you draw the line? are you even allowed to draw the line? is it selfish to even think of doing so? i hope not. cause right now thats what i plan on doing. i wish i could kill ignorance because it is rampant everywhere i go. i wish i could push stupidity off a cliff because ignorance and stupidity often go hand and hand. when does my life actually become MY life? when can i begin to make decisions for myself and not be interuppted? when will THEY let me be who i want to be? when will God show mercy on my soul? |
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| its been awhile since i've been on xanga
a lot has changed with the site since i first joined it 6 years ago.
6 years ago. wow
i have not decided to come back for no apparent reason, because most of the actions i take have some purpose behind them.
no one listens anymore
the one person i knew who listened was stripped away from me over the summer
this is one of those losses you don't realize hurts until you really need it
in this case, the loss continually haunts me slowly but steadily
sometimes i feel like giving up with this whole thing
other times i feel like i would die if i gave up
sometimes i feel like i'm the only one trying
other times i feel guilty for thinking such things
is it selfish to do so? am i thinking about myself too much? or is this cause justifiable?
what do you do when you're too afraid to let go?
how much time is really enough time before you should realize that enough is enough
which side deserves more?
do i want too much? or do i deserve that much?
confusion has really come to haunt me
stress has added on top of that too
i wish someone would listen to me
xanga, as gracious as you are, sadly, you're the only one who has really waitied for me for the past 6 years. |
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| victory for us =] gabby and i are now the class reps of the class of '09. class of '09 where you at? |
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NAM,YOU GOT HACCCKKKKKEDD
NiKKKKKKAAA!
<3gabby |
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| uhm lifes going pretty good right now. maybe except for track. i hate track. i joined it for basketball conditioning but ehh.. imma stick with it though. i feel pain... the rest of school is good. i love rainy days now. why? cuz it means i have no track. =] |
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